literature

Waiting

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LeelaTheMinion's avatar
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Literature Text

  The mist here makes everything look pale, soft. Not that there is much to see. There is the stone road beneath my feet and the trees that line it. And both are gray in the mist.
  As I walk further down the road, I realize I have no idea how I got here. I could have sworn to you that five minutes ago, I was in the car with my friends. We were just driving along, having a good time... Maybe I was dreaming. Or maybe I'm dreaming now...
  Things are lighter, whiter this far down the road. I can see a sort of raised dais with white stone steps that lead to a huge gleaming gate with intricate designs in the metal-work. A young woman sits on the raised dais before the gates. She has long dark hair with fading high-lights. Her elbows rest on her knees and her legs dangle over the edge of the dais. She has an unlit cigarette in one hand and she is staring off into the middle-distance somewhere off to her left, away from me. She looks impatient.
  She reminds me of some one I had lost - but that can't really be her. That would mean...
  She takes a long pull on the cigarette before tossing it away.
  " I still hate these things, " she says before turning to me.
  I wish I could do more then gape back at her, but my brain can be very unreliable at times. It's okay, though, I'd always sounded like an idiot in front of her and she'd always seen past it. That was before...
  "Hey, Loser, I've been waiting here forever."
  "Er... I-I'm sorry...?" Articulate as ever.
  "Damn straight!"
  She looked at me for a long moment. She still has that same strength about her and the same inner-kindness that one only finds in some one like her after investing much time and emotion.
  "Dude, you look like crap."
  All I can do is laugh.
  "Yeah, I missed you too."
  She hasn't changed a bit.
Right. Well, it's very short, very vague, and very personal. Normally, I wouldn't post my writing here but I could really use some help.
For anyone who got lost, they are supposed to be old friends standing in front of the gates of Heaven. I'd like to know if anyone picked up on that or if it's just entirely too vague. If it was too vague, some suggestions on improvement would be very welcome.
© 2007 - 2024 LeelaTheMinion
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SailorRandy's avatar
not vague at all, but of course i know who this is about. i'm not a pro or anything but use more detail , write about how the other person got there, i suggest you just write out everything from the beginning i think it would be interesting kinda, but once again... not a pro